How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
