dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
