i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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