We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
