I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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