Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
