I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
