I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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