My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
