There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
