i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
