Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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