I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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