Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
