Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
