According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
