If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
