Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
