After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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