a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
