that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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