listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
