She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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