omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
