o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
