I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
