On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
