Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I supernannyed him into submission
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
