last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
