You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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