Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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