The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
