Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
