then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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