I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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