I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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