you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
