I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
not ubering you a puppy
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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