i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
