Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
