Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
