My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
