I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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