new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
