hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
