I'm jealous of your bromance
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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