I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
