I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
