There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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