so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
