Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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