she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
