We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
